Heart Enlargement; Living From The Heart

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Day 305.

Living from the heart

Photo’s by By juliejigsaw

The moisture helps the paper detach. Slowly I begin. Bit by bit, the wall paper lets go of the wall. A small 6 inch piece tears off in my hands. On the next pull  a 4 foot piece of paper ends up on the floor.

Tear by tear, pull by pull. I continue. Peeling. Pulling till finally all the black tiny squares are off the wall and laying in a wad on the floor. Vintage, yellow triangles stare at me. How many more layers? I wonder.

It seems I’ll never find the wall.

My heart is the wall.

The wallpaper; beliefs, attitudes the layers between my heart and others. The walls I erected to protect myself.

I thought I was decorating,  moving on, covering up my ‘uglies’. When in fact, all I’ve been doing is  adding layers and layers of protection to my heart and soul. Little did I know the effect all these layers would have on me.

So forget Restoration Hardware. I’m done masking the uglies. I follow the Restorer of  hearts. I’m peeling back all that imprisons me, all that has been and is shrinking my heart.  I’ve ‘annied up’ my membership in the heart enlargement tribe is active.

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I want to cry about stuff that hurts. I want to feel the highs and lows. I want to be agitated to action by injustice and the plight of the oppressed

I don’t want to mask the uglies in my life or yours.I want to feel, I want to respond.

I want to show up.  Exist for others. The hands and feet of love. I want to live from the heart, with an open heart, an enlarged heart. I don’t want to mask, cover up or live life from a safe distance, detached from the moment, the people and the challenges of this present hour, day, week.

“Be imitators of God, therefore…and live a life of love.” Eph 5:1

And so I peel. Removing everything that keeps me from loving-loving you, loving me. And  I trust  I will find that underneath all these layers, masks, and decorations a passionate heart that is more than ready to come out of hiding and courageously engage in this present moment.

Fear, safety, protection. I don’t know. I don’t have  answers for these friends of mine. To them,  I say, “Trust, yield, believe, move forward the master decorator is present; God is here- now!”

Strewn across the floor are snippets of ugly red and orange paper;  so long past disappointments.  Next to them lie torn bits and pieces of yellow vintage paper; goodbye  fear, rejection and abandonment. In the corner the black paper with tiny squares is wadded up in a slimy ball; goodbye prison.

Hello freedom. Hello heart. Hello love.

Living From The Heart; it’s a choice.

Pam Hoelzle


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