Merry Christmas

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A babe in a cave.

Hope for the world.

Love. Peace. Joy.

The gift of the Christ child.

Merry Christmas from my family to your’s.

This Christmas I chose to forgo the lights and the ornaments and instead put together scrap, photo books for each of my  kids;  Rosie and Zach.

It was an emotional journey. Sitting on the floor with boxes of old photo’s I remembered my first tender moments cradling them in my arms.

Their first steps, their first words, the first day of school…So many firsts. And of course 21 years ago- I didn’t have a clue as to what was in front of me. And had I known , who knows if I would have had the courage to make the journey.  I had no idea how to be a mother. My own mother was dead and I had never graduated from babysitting school..But somehow I  ‘believed’ it was possible and set out to do it.

These books were intended to be gifts to my kids. Well funny thing is, they ended up being a gift to me.  A gift of healing.   Bit by bit the project,  books took me to places I’d locked away. A part of the past I was unable to celebrate, a part of the past I refused to celebrate.

The photo’s took me down paths I’d been afraid to remember. I felt old feelings. The sounds of yesterday whispered in my ear. I remembered.   I cried. And I cried.  I laughed. And I laughed from my belly.

And slowly my heart opened. Joy returned.I forgave myself for mistakes, I’ve refused to forgive myself for.  I celebrated my 2 kids and honored their incredibleness. And I got on my knees and thanked God for  knowing what I truly needed this Christmas; healing, forgiveness and joy.

And there is love…and this my friend is  the greatest GIFT of all!

Pam

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