Alone or Lonely?

How much white space do you need to show up you?

Season of life, work demands, relationships, commitments differ for each of us and yet I find that most of the people in my life have their individual recipe for how much 'alone' time they need.

When I was younger I thought I was a social loser if  I was alone. Now, here at the spry age of 47 I crave big swaths of respite, quiet and time alone.  I find without the 'selfishness' to be alone I can't find the self expression that is uniquely me.

And then there is the other side. Loneliness. Loneliness is not a state caused by being alone, it can happen in a crowd, in an intimate setting, why sometimes I've found myself 6 inches away from a friend only to feel as if we were 500 miles away in our hearts. Loneliness happens for me when I am not known or engaged in meaningful knowing and relationships with others.

When I'm lonely it's time for me to ask if I'm withholding myself  or surrounding myself with others who are withholding themselves from me.

I continue to press into this melody of both stewarding being alone and being known and knowing others in deep and meaningful ways.

Now off to do some knowing – and then for some time alone….

Pam Hoelzle