Photo By fRandi-Shooters
“You sound disconnected, as if your words are trying out for cheer leading.” My friend challenged.
“Like your writing staring at your audience. Where is the radical you? Where is Pam without filtering, masks, worrying about being accepted?
Fraud. Fake. Phoney. Easy to detect the artificial, contrived in someone else’s over sized lips and unnatural body parts but -my own words? Me the prophet of authenticity?
After my friend left I cried. I pouted. I argued. I denied. And then I accepted. She was right.Who was I if I wasn’t crafting the message for an audience, client, the person in front of me?
My mind flashed back to an experience I’d had the night before. It was a messy, messy experience just the way life really is and of course I refused to share it here- on this platform. It was too- personal- too real.
My words have become overdressed. Filtered. And not just my words but my entire life, to my horror has become one long ‘acceptance’ speech.
In an attempt to be marketable, approved of, accepted, successful Ive filtered, withheld, modified, toned down , dressed up, masked , shut down , turned off, reduced the message within. I’ve gone ‘pc’ politically correct, choosing words based on their impact on others rather than their resonance with me, my truth, experience.
Who would I be if I let it ALL flow?
Who would I be if each moment were to become a naked unveiling, a flow of truth sourced from my source and coming from my heart, my soul not my head?Who would I be without all my filters? If I stopped holding back in life?
In an instant everything has changed.
All my words naked- unfiltered? I might offend. Anger. Insult. For inside of me there is a torrent of feelings, ideas that I’ve never dared unleash. I’ve spent my life surviving. I’ve spent decades holding back, masking, toning down the truth.
What if I lived like no one was watching, what if I wrote like no one was reading? Can I be that naked? Clearly, I don’t know how to do this. I never have.
So. I can’t promise you what you will find if you come back. And I really don’t care what you think. I must dive in. I must find myself underneath all these filters, beyond all these detours and masks.
Here’s my promise to myself.
No more filters, no more acceptable posts, no more detours, no more dressed up words, no more concepts I don’t give a rats ass about. No more staring at the audience. No more marketing my life and truth.
Done. I don’t know what is coming. All I know is you can expect me to speak naked and to show up entirely exposed- from here on out. And to let it flow.
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