In business and in life 'shoot 'happens and when it does there's a tendency to deny it, detach from it or embrace it.
Over the years of knee deep 'shoot' hiking I've tried all of these and yet today, in the midst of more 'shoot' I am crystal clear; none of these are effective.
Denial. Denying reality is death; death to people, businesses, relationships and death to living. Denial says, 'if I ignore it; it really isn't there' and we all know where that leads- aholism…a lust for something to fill up the cavern of; that which isn't really there-right?.
Dennial kills things- don't do it- it could kill you; your heart, your passion, your vision, your relationships.
Detaching. If we can detach, we are told we can remain neutral. Being able to detach from things, others opinions and our own selfish desires, pride and ego is one thing but detaching from feelings or reality is absolutely insane.
First of all, before we talk about detaching - lets clarify you first must be able to deeply attach to others your clients and the people in your life- before you can discuss detachment.
Now in your attachments can you healthfully detach from the meaning you attribute to them, to loss, dissapointment or tragedy? Can you detach from taking stuff personal, judging yourself and condeming yourself? Can you detach from others behaviors, life choices and actions?
Detaching is not about -disconnecting from reality it's about perspective. When I detach, I am able to surrender my need to control things or have them turn out a certain way. Detached from outcomes, or results I can raise my hands in faith and admit it's not as I had hoped, or expected but it is…
Embracing. Sometimes when we are unable to detach from the meaning we've given our losses and dissapointments we choose to 'embrace' them. When we embrace bad things we move past a healthy feeling and grieving of them to an obsessive compulsive desperate clinging.
When we embrace and cling to pain, loss and tragedy we find ourselves robed in the negative sometimes to the point of becoming unrecognizable, forever scarred.
Embracing bad stuff can lead to a putrification of our hearts, souls and spirits; a disfigured soul, spirit restricts our future. Be careful of hanging on to the bad stuff for too long it may become part of your life wardrobe or worse yet your perfume/cologne of choice.
I've had my fair share of bad stuff, as you have…
Today I'm face to face, heart to heart with more 'tough' stuff; my youngest is struggling and together we are looking at options; perhaps a school in a far away state…
My heart is heavy, part of me wants to deny reality, another part wants to detach from everyone; friends and family, and still another part of me is tempted to embrace the false belief; I'm a failure as a mother, I'm losing a child.
But years of hiking through the 'shoot' of life has taught me a better way. I am choosing to be fully present to this reality, this dissapointment and to my feelings of loss and grief.
I am being genuine, real, with my son, loved ones and my clients.
I am working hard to detach from prescribing meaning to all that has happened and what is still to come. I am pulling up my 'life waders' and asking my sisters and friends to help me stand in the strong current of these emotions. I am letting the here and now, be the present and not planning on staying here longer than necessary or ward-robing myself or my son in this 'bad stuff' forever. I am practicing connecting even though every thing in me wants to isolate.
Bad stuff. It happens; don't disconnect, attach to it- embrace it, or deny it.
Rather; face it- move through it, feel it – be real about it ,detach from judgement about it.
Bad stuff dissolves as we courageously, faithfully; face, feel and proceed onwards.
When bad stuff happens…