“After the evaluation he just handed me this and left.”

I stared at the scribbled page and then back at my forty-five year old friend.

“He didn’t take into consideration any of the things we’ve been doing the past 6 months, all of his comments are about his experience with my team this week.”

His eyes were sunken, his lips pursed.

“It started a while ago…. ” He began as he explained months of tit for tat behavior by his supervisor.

When he was done I asked, “What is it that really bothers you?”

“Wow, that’s a great question.” He said staring at his feet.

His forehead crinkled like an accordian as he struggled to rein in his emotions. I waited.

As he lifted his head I spotted a tear in the corner of his left eye. “He just doesn’t value me. He doesn’t value what I do.”

How often have you left an encounter feeling as if you just don’t matter? How often have you felt as if your; boss, supervisor, employee, friend, parent, spouse or child doesn’t care about you or worse yet sees you as invaluable in their life and or venture?

I believe the one thing most of us want as much as anything, is to be valued, cared for, listened to, heard, respected and yes even loved. Seth Godin say’s everyone wants to be missed. Why? Because being missed is proof I mattter!

It’s easy to value a new born baby, so innocent, pure and miraculous. Once the baby starts messing in their diaper and keeping you up P.O.W hours, not so much. There is something magically divine about children that allows us to embrace them with open arms and do everything we can to make them feel loved, valued and cared for. Why is it so hard for us to maintain this type of care, respect, love and diligence for children that have aged, adults? I know they just aren’t as cute, they fart, mess up your house, say stupid things and are downright difficult sometimes.

What if the real question isn’t, why doesn’t he or she value me but rather do I value myself?

I’ve spent most of my life with the little girl inside of me looking for value and worth outside of herself. I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time working to achieve, perform and prove that I am worthy of value, respect and yes even love. Slowly, I’ve awakened to the ridiculousness of this false belief, this socialized nonsense that my worth is some sum of my doing, marketplace value and others opionions and evaluations.

If you are questioning your value in the eyes of others, perhaps it’s time to turn the question around and ask the question that really matters.

Do you value yourself? Do you unconditionally love yourself. Are you full of grace and forgiveness for yourself? Because if not, you will be forever tossed around like a small boat in a tropical storm hostage to the whims of other people and the ever changing seas of life.

At the ocean’s floor it’s peaceful and calm regardless of what the weather is doing on the surface. Your value as a human being, the incredible miracle that is you is not dependent on your performance, the weather, or others opinions and evaluations. You were created priceless and that is irrevocable.

It’s up to each of us to swim deeper and attach to the truth of our individual self worth and our value. We need to live from this place so that the scarcity minded boss, the jealous neighbor, the unconscious partner, the rude teenager, the angry driver, the busy wife, the absent minded parent, the wounded friend and their actions don’t impact our reality.

You are valuable. Invaluable. Precious. Worthy. A miracle. Created in the image of the Creator himself/herself.

Pam Hoelzle

425 218 5864