What's Your Impact on Others?
In my third post on the symphony of relating I am diving to the heart of relationships.
What is your impact?
What is your intent for relationships and community? What happens when people encounter you briefly, over time and in long term work, partnerships or relationships?
After having been in your presence, on your team, face to face with you, led by you, are others:
Freer? Wiser? Happier? More autonomous? More themselves? Resourced? Inspired to serve others, to make a difference?
What is the effect you have on others; those you meet briefly, engage with for short seasons and what about those you relate with for years?
As I consider my impact and effect on others I am musing over a conversation I had yesterday.
Yesterday morning at my favorite coffee shop in Kirkland Washington, Kahili I was talking to Adam Olsen who just happens to be, co-owner of Rococo Coffee & Tea, husband, father, believer, entrepreneur and coffee passionista.
I've been getting to know Adam over the past 6 months, ever since I moved to Kirkland and started hanging out at Kahili. Since then, I've asked Adam to speak at a seminar I facilitated, collaborated on a community event with him and set up meetings to introduce him to people I know. As I've spent time with Adam I've watched with shear delight at his talent for relating to others, for his ability to make everyone feel like a million bucks; genuinely. He has an amazing positive impact on people whether it be strangers, life time friends, or new community partners.
I asked him the other day, why he's so good with people he answered by pointing to everyone in the coffee shop and saying, "You see all of those guys and gals, well they are all more important than me, I'm here for them."
Adam 'gets it' he's awake and aware to what I call relationship reality. He is a servant leader. He shows up to serve. He's not into power, control, or manipulation. He believes he is here for others. He shows up in a position of support. Don't get me wrong, he's a leader in every sense of the way, with a clear vision and foresight and one people want to follow, but his method for attracting and his method of leading is one of serving first. Adam is people first, task second. He is serve first then lead. He understands that it's about you and we, not I and me. He seeks more to understand than be understood. He asks and listens more than he talks and tells. And yes, I do love that every time he greets me he bellows out,"hi, muse, what good are you going to make happen today?'):
What do you believe about people, others?
What is the intent you greet every person you encounter with?
Beliefs matter. Intent matters.
Here are a few questions I'm ruminating on as I think about my impact and stay intent about showing up to serve and positively impact you and everyone I encounter.
What is my intent with everyone I meet; my goal?
Am I asking or telling?
How much of the time am I listening?
What am I doing to better understand, versus being understood?
Am I listening to myself, what I am not saying but how it feels to be with me?
What is not being said in this encounter, and what does that mean?
How much of the time am I or the person I am relating to saying me, I vs we and you?
What can I do to say less, restrain my desire to add, change, advise?
What is the experience?
What does it feel like to stand in their shoes right now, to be them?
What is my gut telling me to do, say, show?
What do I need to focus on and be aware of to leave this person in a better place when we are done?
Am I leaving everyone I meet in a better place for having been with me? Are people freer, liberated, inspired, resources, happier,more themselves, ready to serve and engage at a deeper level because of our time together?
What is my impact and effect?
And your thoughts?